Sunday, 26 July 2015

Where is my restart button?

Oh I seem to have been very lazy about posting here! I did start this blog with the best of intentions and it seems that real life just keeps getting in the way! Again! Anyway, I recently had a birthday. Not a big one. Well big enough for some. I was 45. Now, is that the wrong side of 40 or am I still on the right side or do we just round me up? Totally confused! I can see 50 looming on the horizon like a big fat thing, mocking me with promises of a body falling apart! Well let me tell you 50, my body fell apart long before you decided to rear your head!

After being relatively healthy, I have found the last few months have bizarrely turned me into one of those whinging people who clog up their facebook timeline with 'Oh woe is me' type posts. Very sorry for that. Even us super enthusiastic, annoyingly positive people need to vent. But, in the end even I was bored listening to myself. God only knows what I posted whilst drugged up to the eyeballs after a muscle spasm had me half carried to the doctors by a very worried hubs. Which goes to prove one thing...........we can be on our last legs and still find time to check out facebook! Sign of the times I am afraid!

The whole thing came to a head when I got up one morning, well kind of fell out of bed, and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. What stared back at me was a complete stranger! Who the hell was this woman with the dark sunken eyes, the hair that looked like a cat had spat it up and skin with a pallor Dr Frankenstein would have been upset by! Realisation soon dawned that this creature was me! And, I didn't like it one single bit! It was time for action! I had no time for this nonsense. I had work committments! I had caring committments! I had maintaining my sex goddess status committments! Time to get my big girl knickers back on and sort myself out!

So, what did I do? Well I brushed the cat spat hair for a start! I gave myself a makeover pampering session, painted my nails again and began my healthy eating plan again. I have been doing the 5:2 diet for over a year now and 2 stone lighter I have found this way of life was making me feel energised and positively great. However, I had let things slip and fallen back into bad habits. Time to kick the bad things out and look at what I was putting into my body again. Next, I dusted off the gym gear and got my fat wobbly ass back to the gym! I'd been a regular gym goer until recently.

I'm still by no means fully recovered from all the various ailments that seem to have attacked my body lately but I am feeling much better. I've even organised for a personal trainer to kick my ass some more once I come back from my holidays in August. I have improved my diet again, still allowing for treats.......and wine........... and I am trying to find the positives in each day. I don't think I was suffering from depression. I do think I was suffering from pure exhaustion and some bad habits and my body has decided to give me a wake up call! I didn't like it! Not one bit! Is there such a thing as physical depression? I think my body has been depressed about what I was doing to it! Luckily I have some amazing friends, both online and in the real world and a fantastic husband who just gave me enough space to let me do what I needed to do and brought me endless cups of tea, painkillers, heat pads and hugs to help me through. 

So, I am learning to know when I have reached my physical limits. I am learning to be kind to myself sometimes and most of all I am learning to take a little bit of 'me' time which isn't always easy with all I do. Given that my master plan has always been to live forever, I hope on still on the right road to immortality!  You aren't getting rid of me that easily! (insert evil laugh here).